//Friday
One word to sum up tt day, BAD
After the horrible incident, went to work half heartedly..
eyes were so sore that i had to wear my specs.. was totalli in a sian mood.. dear called mi after lunch.. and i poured out everything to him.. to the extent that i was crying in the office.. I told him that i was in a super bad mood tt day.. so whoever comes to tease mi or disturb mi sure get a hell of scolding from mi.. plus he wont be joining us for dinner.. so there's no one there who can make mi smile..

But indeed, after toking to him.. i was ok.. Called him happily after my work.. he made mi veri touched.. he actualli called rh just to inform him tt i am in a bad mood so dont keep disturbing mi.. but in the end rh not going cos he's sick..
Suddenly, i realised tt my dear wans the best for mi.. he would do almost everything just to make mi happi.. I feel so stupid thinking tt way ytd.. But in the end, i stil know how much i meant to him and how much he meant to mi.. its just the emotional and negative mi taking over ytd.. so.. haha.. stupid mi...

went to meet up wif spencer at Funan.. On the way there, i chance upon this veri rude auntie.. was damn pissed off..
spencer managed to make mi laugh till i forgot my worries la.. he jitao lame like shit lo.. -_-
Meet up wif biwei and charlene, off we went to citylink.. cos i keep niaming tt i wanna get sth for my dear.. actualli aim veri long le.. but my plans always got spoil by tt boi.. -_- so finalli can go buy le.. haha..
went over to meet up wif the rest.. details not to be mentioned.. cos i also dont know how to elaborate..
went over to can cafe to chit chat.. but in the end, left onli mi hanz and spencer.. haha.. realli did talk abt some interesting topics wif them.. this time on more serious stuffs like social manners, psychology, slping manners, listeners, etc..

so sad tt i did not see my dear tt day.. =(

//Saturday
slept all the way till 3 in the afternoon..
was alreadi awake le.. but i was playing wif my dear's phone n i just dont wanna go out wif my room..
woke up and met up wif wee, spencer, rh and cindy at bugis.. had dinner and went over to can cafe chit chat again..
Decided to go over my hse stay tt night.. dont feel like staying at home.. but the main reasons is tt i wanna spend more time wif him.. lol..

Anyway, rh explained to mi wat he said to dear tt day..
saying tt in the near future.. i would be more playful and would not wan to be tied down by him.. -_-
lol.. i just told him mayb.. cos i find it kinda pointless to explain to him and i also dont know how to explain the feeling inside mi.. so haha.. dont care..

Actualli, all the while was hoping tt my dear would call mi so he could join us.. then he realli called !! lol.. pass him the singlet tt i bought for him.. haha.. =p

//Sunday
woke up and rushed home.. cos meeting up wif cp..
kinda sad to see my mom and bro quarreling the moment i got home.. i jitao bo hui.. changed packed my stuffs and went off le..

Went to watch the island wif my dear... its a damn freaking fantastic show !! u all should go watch it.. highly recommended... nice plot.. nice characters.. nice visual effects.. it might seems boring to some as its kinda abt dna, clones thingy.. but the story line is well-written.. entertaining to every small part..

went to holland v n get naruto cd from rh before going for dinner..
After wards.. its home time.. tired... stupid specs giving mi prob liao.. wondering if its an increase in my degrees not.. sharks.. right now, i cant see everything clearly.. everything is in a blurr..
zzzzzz

Last time i used to think that i have to be a fillial daughter and all.. But now i just cant.. I have tried for so mani years.. Till today, i finally know i cant..

Wats the use of trying to put myself in her shoes.. when she doesnt even try to understand my situation at all..

I know that she's tight on cash.. so i made a mental note.. i would set aside a sum of money each month for her.. even how tight i am.. i would stil give it to her..
I know i havent been spending much time at home.. so yea.. i tried to make it up to her.. sometimes just sitting down and talk.. but often these small talks lead to arguments.. i get tired..
I treated her to dinner cos i know its a long time since i ate wif her.. and yet, the comments i got was tt why did i waste money...
I know she's worried for mi.. and its natural.. so i compromise.. i inform her of my whereabouts.. but each time i give in a step.. she take advantage of it.. and take a bigger step of controlling mi.. Till a point i start to back away..
I know she's heartbroken over some things.. so i always listen to her.. and even encourage her to go out more often to relax herself..

And yet, for all these.. in the end.. she said tt i hated her... it realli hurt mi alot.. no matter the indifference i felt from the way she treated mi compared to my brother.. it didnt hurt as much...

This time i am realli hurt... my tears cant help falling down..

I know this time.. its gonna affect mi alot.. its gonna even affect the way i see things now.. i am trying not to let it change mi..

I am sick of everything.. its always over money tt spark off all the arguments.. what the hell..

I need someone by my side.. I wanna look for him.. I know maybe he's tired.. But.. suddenly i felt so un-loved.. No calls to ask if i am home safely.. Not even a msg.. I know i cant blame him.. cos i did not tell him abt wats going on now.. I am so tired of speaking my mind.. I used to seek comfort in myself.. bcos i believe that no one understands mi more than myself.. and i know i have the power to control my emotions and thoughts.. right now, I just cant find the power anymore.. I dont know who i can seek comfort in anymore.. Suddenly, everything seems so empty.. Everything within mi seems gone..

I want to be understanding... n i try so hard to be.. But fuck.. for once, can anyone even understand how i feel right now?? I guess not...

I caught a cold !! Muahaha.. lolz..
Didnt go work ytd.. cos my nose was like a loose tap.. non-stop flowy.. haha.. and to make it worse.. my head was pounding.. -faintz-

Took the flu med and went back to slp.. By the time i woke up i was alreadi ok le.. hehe.. Slacked around and went back to slp again.. Muahaha.. Met my piggy after his work and we went to pig out at Tiong Bahru Hawker.. Nice Food !! Haha.. Tired day despite the whole day slping.. went home ko immediately.. zzzz

Today woke up feeling more worse.. throat dry and all.. flu again.. My stupid quilt just cant keep mi warm.. gonna buy a new one when i got spare cash lolx.. meanwhile i would just dream of having a nice warm slp.. it would be doubly nice if my dearie is there to hug hug mi to slp..
-dreaming away again-

Busy day at work.. cut myself alot of times while packing the files.. and i am damn irritated with myself !! my favourite jacket was spoilt !! sianz.. went home and treated my mom to string ray n lala.. lol.. had dinner wif her.. then my dearie came over to find mi cos his camp's happi hour or sth lidat ended early.. so happi to see him !! haha..

I promise that you'll be my one, my only everything..
I promise that for your love, I will do anything.. I really will.. =)

today i realli had a great time.. cos i get to see my piggy.. lol.. (as if i havent seen him for a long time) ha.. but i just miss him..

Busy day at work.. start to pack my cabinets.. sort all the files into boxes for shifting.. damn heavy.. shit.. packed till i forget abt time.. and tio niam by valerie to go home.. haha.. always like the big "mama" to tell mi go have lunch break.. n dont come back so early.. hahaha..
So happi that my new desk will be located just beside her n not some other weirdos in the company hee..

met up wif my dear after work !!! so happi to see him.. and i m jumping around like a small kid.. muahaha.. yup yup, i got my pouch to put my toiletries le.. and i got my white belt !! hee.. plus a big bag of candies for mi to bring to company.. yipee !!
had dinner at phin's steakhouse.. lol.. i think dar's gonna boycott tt restaurant le.. cos well, the service kinda sucks haha..
shopped around for my shoes.. cant believe it.. my two slip-ons spoilt le.. and at the same time.. -faintz-

erm.. actualli i do have lotsa things to blog about.. i feel that my frens are not happi.. realli..
i dont wanna say much..
jus feel tt everyone should do some reflection on themselves.. not onli for themselves but for their loved ones too..
for those whu can catch wat i m saying.. ya.. good for u..
for those whu cant.. just a simple msg across that no one is perfect..
Dont give expecting ppl to do things for u.. u cant always take and not give.. it applies to every relationship.. whether with ur parents, frens, bf or gf..
I am sad when i see ppl dont treasure their frens around them..
People always take for granted tt as frens, we should follow each other's flows.. But true frens are when u correct him/her for their mistake and yet at the end of the day, no argument jus stronger bonds betw u two..

And for those who are suffering heart breaks now..
I really dont know how i can help to ease ur pain..
I understand how u all feel.. But believe mi, time will do everything. time will heal all wounds..
Dont force yourself to forget tt someone just cos u think u will be better off tt way.. Do u know by forcing urself to do sth u dont wish to.. Its even more painful than thinking abt tt person..
I guess the only thing i can do is to be there for u.. lend a listening ear to you when u need it.. I dont mind if u vent all ur emotions on mi.. realli i dont.. as long as i know at the end of e day, u feel better.. i m happi..

of cos, there are some frens of mine tt is in their happi world.. lol..
Jus like mi, they have found the one and only person that can make them smile all day long..
But u know, dont forget ur frens also.. cos they will be the ones whu will go thru the recovery road with u should anything bad happens..
I know i might have neglected some of my frens.. though i know they understand.. but yea.. i am trying to build up the frendship once again..

I just wanna sth to one of my frenx..
I know you are sad.. I know you are helpless.. I know you regretted everything..
I am sad for you.. I am angry for you.. I feel helpless for you..
I am shocked that u called mi late at night.. Even more shocked when i heard u cry.. But i am happi, cos u called mi the first thing when u are feeling sad.. It means i am the first person tt came to ur mind..

I tried to console u.. but i know i did not do it properly.. Lotsa things i wanted to tell u.. but i think u wouldnt take it in at ur emotion state now.. Right from the start, I did not have a good impression of her.. I am sure u know.. She proved mi right time after time again wif her actions.. But i am willing to accept her as ur gf.. bcos i know u love her deeply.. As a fren, I give u all my blessings..

And now, I told u tt letting go of this r/s is a wise choice.. But i know tts not u want.. bcos of the overwhelming love i felt from you to her.. So I will support ur choice.. and since i encouraged you to do so.. i am prepared that if u fall again.. i will be there to catch hold of u.. and be ur pillar till u stand up again.. =)

I know i am lucky.. i have a bunch of great frens around mi.. I have such a great bf tt gives mi all the love i need.. Yesterday, he asked mi if i felt pressurized by his love.. i dont know why.. Just the mere tot of this qns put a smile on my face.. I dont know how to express the feelings i felt..
But i know i love him more and more each day..
I know we had our unhappy times, breaks my heart everytime an argument starts..But i am glad at the end, things are resolved..
And i was just wondering.. how can anyone feel pressurized by an overwhelming love.. thats when I suddenly tot of an answer..
Yes u can get pressured, when u dont love tt person tt much, tts when u will feel its tiring.. irritating.. u wanna break free.. but u cant.. cos u wanna be loved as well..
I know my answer.. I dont feel pressurized.. I dont feel irritated.. I dont find it tiring.. and i do not wanna break free..

Can anyone understand wat i am saying? lolx..
Nv have i tot tt i could love someone so deeply..
tt i would meet someone like u..
Nv tot tt u would be by my side..
(actualli tot b4, but stil cant believe it, Muahaha..)
Nv knew I could feel like this, I could fall in love all over again each time i see you..
Nv have i been so happi all my life.. that i actualli crave to see u every day..
Nv would i be so willing to put down my playful character just cos u are the one that i wanna settle down for..
Nv had i been such a "sore player".. I cant afford to lose.. I am afraid of losing..

I 'll Never Stop Loving You...

hehe.. many days since i blog..
went to sentosa to pitch tent wif ronghua, cindy, spencer, charlene, chee wee and apple on sat.. of cos got mi n my dar.. its a stupid saturday, i was having one of the so-called unlucky days.. step into a muddy spot and nearly fall.. walked out on to the road nearly got bang by car.. etc.. so i was kinda in my pms stupid mood again..
i know i made my dear sian.. cos i myself was feeling so down.. but i apologized to him !!! and after awhile, yesh, he cheered mi up once again.. Hee..
Sorrie dear dear !! =(
supposingly, going to suntan and play at the beach today.. but its raining!! stupid rainy season.. hiak.. lol..
After which all of us went to eat sakae !!! yummi !! hehe..

went over to my dear's hse.. ko !! cos was veri veri tired...
zzzzzzz

online and started toking plus disturbing ppl.. muahahha.. well, saw afew ppl's blog..
suddenly i feel so loved by him... n i just wanna be the last girl for him.. lolx.. i can never put in words how i feel abt him.. lol..
I love my dear !!! =)
no one can snatch him away from mi !!! i will box whoever who does tt.. Muahaha..
and ky.. pls dont anyhow think ar.. U got to be strong k.. Though i realli dont know wat to say when u called mi.. I felt ur pain n hurt.. Believe mi.. U are a great guy and there are girls more worthy of ur love.. seriously hope tt u will find ur happiness just like mi.. =)

---Photos---
tts mi and my Charlene Gal..

Cindy and Charlene !!

Stupid Spencer wif his stupid actions..


n the early morning view ! nice !

Eating our breakfast..


n yes, even onli a breakfast.. he can come up wif stupid actions..



haha.. we made the tent collapse while he is inside !! Muahaha..



n i was playing around wif the big lime green shoes tt belongs to Spencer !!!



Due to boredom(cos of the rain), we started taking pics and doing stupid things..




Sushi Time !!!




n this funni photo tt dear took! lol..


Photos that Az sent mi tt we took on Fri..
Mi and my Dear !!


n mi n zhen.. Muahaha.. Kenneth said i look nice in this photo! haha..


and tts all folks !!!!
I just have a simple.. I want to get rid of my recent bad temper and bring him happiness.. =)

Happi

3rd

Month

Dar !!!!!!!

On the contrary to the previous post, I had super busy and stressful days this week, and i believed that it will get worse over the next few weeks cos my company's shifting to a new location.
Lotsa things not done, files and stacks of documents not packed at all. Its only today that i know i have two whole cabinets filled of files, nearly fainted when i saw everything.. Pengz !

Been feeling veri stressed up lately, whether its over my work, or my frenz or my relationship or my family.. bits and pieces all add up..
i dont know is it over these that cause my temper to get real bad.. I start to feel easily irritated by my mum.. things she do will always seem to be of a redundancy to mi.. etc. I really hope that i can curb this temper of mine, cos i know its not going to bring mi any good. I lost my temper to my boss today also, cos things are just so dis-organised there; Bcos of tt, when i searched back old records, i took a super long time to search thru everything, to make it worse, requests for changes, enhancements, etc kept coming in.. OICs kept coming up to check with my old records.. more unclosed and unsettled cases for mi to handle.. procedures to draft out.. meetings minutes to review.. In-house project comments to compute.. and the list goes on.. the end result? my desk was crowded with documents, old records, new requests.. I was damn frustrated by the sight of it..

Met up wif bob after work today to get back my slping bag.. thanks for making the trip all the way down.. =)
Went off to meet up wif Dar, cos he's going to subscribe to cable.. Passed him the hp chain tt i made for him.. cos he lost the previous one tt i did for him.. lol.. i like it veri much !!! the encravings are so delicate and nice !! oh well, damn it, its no surprise.. its as if he can read my mind and i can read his mind.. he jitao ask mi is it i bought sth for him out of the blue, I sian diao.. -_-"""
After which, rushed down to Bp Plaza to get his contacts, and da bao dinner back to my hse to eat cos we wanted to catch Superstar. lolx.
Is it that i stupid or blur or dumb or idiotic or slow or retarded or watever, that i realli cant understand wat he is trying to bring across, and thus leading to his frustration... dont know.. -shrugs- sometimes i really do wonder.. am i really tt slow and stupid?

Well, supposed to be a happy day ritez.. But i m not.. I dont know why.. just not.. everything doesnt seems to be right.. can someone just explain it to mi.. can all the unhappiness just go away.. can i lead a simple life.. I am not greedy.. I just wish to be happy.. and yet, its just the toughest thing to get, dont u agree?

Been working n working these few weeks.. kinda bored.. Work is so unstable !! When I m busy, its realli damn busy.. On the contrary, when i have nothing to do.. i can just slack there the whole damn day.. Totally not the kind of job i wanted.. Faintz..

Work is one thing..
Recently, I begin to feel that i get easily agitated.. I get rather petty at times.. My temper seems to get worse.. n I have severe mood swings.. Can anyone tell the reason behind all these?? I began to have second tots about everything i do now.

Went to dbl o last sat with Rh, Cindy, Zz, Dar, Wee, Spencer, Ahgong, Gb and Shiwei.. That day is such a bad day..
My dad was home.. and i wasnt happy at all.. i dont know why.. I just feel so unfair as to why is it always mi to accommodate his timing.. why cant for once they accommodate mine.. I know my mom wans mi to be home just cos my dad would stay longer.. but its always wat they wans.. how about wat i wan? I am so sick and tired of everything that i realli gave them a piece of my mind.. Why are they always so selfish.. I cried immediately after i put down the call..
I know i made Dar worried.. but i just feel like crying.. spoilt my whole night.. and had a mis-understanding with Dar.. to a point i cant be bothered.. cos at tt moment, i realli felt terrible.. Lotsa things over-crowding my mind, my heart.. each screaming for their own attention.. suffocating mi !!!!
I know i made Ronghua worried too.. dont worry.. i m fine.. =)

After all these incidents, I must admit i did have negative tots coming into my mind.. I did tot of terminating all my r/s with everyone that includes my dear, my frens and my family.. and just leave in a world of mine.. childish hur? I know..

n of cos i did not do it la.. cause when i tot of him, my spirits immediately lightened up..no joke ! realli does.. and i dont even dare to have the tot of being without him.. u know everyone do have some silly and childish tots within them at times.. it all depends on how we handle those tots tts all i guess..its all in the matter of the diff reaction of diff ppl..

i m feeling realli veri veri tired...

not much words can describe how i feel.. cos i m so unsure about it now..
i just wanna have some peace of my own, will tt do?

Took off from work today..
Cos of stomach upset.. sucks.. realli had the similar feelings of tt time when i keep vomitting and diarrhoea.. lucky this time nth serious..

rest at home and watch Young and Dangerous.. My bro got the whole series from his fren. Since i had nothing to do, so i might as well watched it.. Ekin Cheung lehz !!! He's so mesmerizing.. omg..

Yesterday, xiong msg mi at work.. haha.. somehow he realli did keep mi occupied till i knock off, if not i would have fallen aslp haha..
He said that can see tt lucas realli love mi alot.. so puzzled by this sentence.. Char also say tt she thinks he realli dote on mi alot.. well, as a fact he does la..(ok, i dont wanna say much liao, ltr he see le will be flying in the sky liao.. haha.. )

arrr.. i m bored.. my dear's slping.. and i dont know wat to do now.. -_- Hee.. he came to look for him after his work.. ar.. tml he's going duty so i wont be able to see him.. sad.. kinda understand charlene's feelings.. its like hc gonna get confine for 2 weeks..
its onli a day tt i cant see dear and i feel so sad le.. so i guess my girl will feel more terrible.. but dont worry ! i will acc u k.. lol..

to all going in tml.. Hc, Cb, Js, Cs, Puwen and tooty...
take gd care! Yup.. just these 3 simple words.. =)

Correction !!!!!!

My dear said i did not mention that he piggy back mi from clementi ntuc all the way to the fountain on Fri night... haha..

Yup.. So i mentioned it now.. He did..

Past few days were working n working and meeting up wif him after work for dinner.. Work is boring.. i was practically slacking my butt the whole day.. I fell aslp in front of the com haha.. cant believe it..

Today after work dar came over my place to do his work. Actualli i am supposed to help him but haha.. end up he did everything himself. Ops! Stupid boi, keep asking mi why i like him. then i ask him back, he also cant ans just say like lo ! faintz..
I love him and love being love by him !! Hahaha...

I m surprised !!!!

I got a sweet surprise.... so shocked...


suppose to meet up wif dearie after work.. Wanted to see him so so so much... so was kinda disappointed when we couldnt meet up.. cos he ended work late and i had stomach discomfort.. so i went home.. took a rest and went to buy my dinner..


He popped out behind the wall when i was walking out of the lift..

i realli got a shock.. and i think i scared the ppl behind mi.. cos yea.. i was realli in a shock..

But i am happy... thanks alot ! U made my day.. =)

I have got lotsa things to update !!!! But i am too tired for it.. Shall try my best ba..

Thursday
went to work.. Weird people working there.. the girls there are like so not friendly.. grrr.. lucky the one i am working with was still ok.. and she was damn shocked when i told her i am 20.. haha.. tts a good thing eh?
Ar.. I was standing the whole freaky day.. and my legs are aching thru halfway.. at 6pm.. my partner's shift is over.. so well, i am all alone.. Its kinda hard to handle customers' needs, serve them, arrange the clothes, check the stores blah blah everything at the same time.. Stupid Randy, trust him to put only one person in charge of the store at such a pack period. Dumb arse. After work, I immediately rushed home and ko !!! gosh... tired like hell..

Friday
Today's off day for mi.. so i pig out at my bed till afternoon.. zzzzz
Was feeling veri veri veri veri down... cos of the conversation i had wif my aunt and mom the previous night.. Its so sad and chim xin.. hiak.. realli dont know if i could hang on not.. no doubt was damn frustrated, but at the same time yea.. thats nth i could do ma.. since my bro also bu hui xiang.. i realli cant be bothered to tok to him anymore.. Just wish that he knows he has the responsibility to support this family not mi lo.. shitz..
I guess the moodiness realli took over mi.. I didnt felt like doing anything.. not even meeting up wif beng they all for dinner.. so i went back to slp, yea slp away all my troubles..
Dear called mi.. and said he's on his way to my hse so in the end i went to meet them for dinner at clementi.. I realli did feel alot better when i saw him. Somehow he can realli brighten up my day.. My mind was away all the while.. I didnt know wat they were discussing or toking at all.. Dear noticed tt i am extremely quiet, which is so unlike mi..
In the end, Dear suggested to go ktv.. but since all of them broke.. so both of us went onli.. realli totalli no mood!! I just couldnt pick myself up.. so u ppl should know how badly it affected mi.. well, sort of have a small misunderstanding wif dear and due to my moodiness, it kinda turned bad..
went over to the fountain to look for char and kunlin.. without him being wif mi.. was feeling kinda boiled over cos it seems as if no one will ever understand how i felt.. hiak..
tt silly boi called and said he's stil far behind just cos i told him to stay away from mi.. lol.. ran back to find him n cleared everything up.. both of us were sorry.. mi for walking away.. n him for not understanding how i felt.. Muahaha..
After which the four of us, mi , dear, char and kunlin went over my place to stay over night.. as usual la.. tt pigster jitao fell aslp after washing up.. n kun lin isnt much better ! he felt aslp almost immediately too.. so tt leaves mi and char to our girls' talk.. so long since we done tt.. kinda missed my sec sch times.. talked all the way till 6 in the moring.. n both of us zzzzzzz...

Saturday
woke up at around 10.. so tired.. slacked around.. then char n kl left..
and tt piggy was stil slping !! woke him up.. wash up.. and we went over his place..
practicalli in a stone mode.. cos was tired.. to an extent i was staring blinding at e tv.. went to take a nap..
woke up n prepare.. lol.. yup, we went to eat sakae sushi again.. yummi !! hehe.. went over to dbl o to meet up wif zz, cindy, hanz, weiling and regine.. zhen came over to join us ltr..
so tired... didnt have much energy to dance.. so dear n mi went off early.. think he abit seh and high.. haha.. cos i dont know wat he toking.. n he brought mi to eat bak ku teh then upon reaching there, dont wanna eat liao.. so funni !! haha.. cant help laughing..
both of us knock out... zzzzz

Sunday
pig all the way till noon.. then we went sentosa.. kinda lazy.. cos was tired ar.. went to suntan and played frisbee ! hehe..
went off early, cos there was a sudden strong gust of wind.. and it seems to be rainy.. who knows when we pom finish, the sun is back again.. qi si wo !!! everytime lidat de !!!
then dear brought mi to suntec for the steamboat buffet !! its damn yummi !! and i ate alot alot alot of cakes !! oooo.. so heavenly.. slurps... haha.. but tt place is damn freaking cold.. even though we were eating steamboat.. i was stil shivering !! pengz..
went off n sat down at esplanade for awhile before going home..
actualli the day was so so so fine.. but haiz.. why did they have to spoil everything??
i was so angry wif my dad.. was pissed off wif my bro.. tt i cried.. angry wif my dad for his unreasonable ways, he starts to prove mi wrong wif all his actions.. i am damn disappointed.. i told mama i realli couldnt bothered anymore.. why must i set myself into such situation, when all i got back is hurt, disappointment and more of those. Why would i always bother to salvage everything when my brother doesnt give a damn at all?? and why the heck am i drag into the picture.. why the heck are u ppl taking mi for granted.. i did everything u told mi too.. but i find tt u are asking more and more.. i am so sick of everything..
Yup.. i scolded my bro.. He dont seems to care.. pushing everything to mi.. and when i just made a tiny wheeny mistake, he blows up the issue.. try seeing in my point.. try standing in my situation and u will see u cant please both parties, so stop expecting mi for some perfect solution.. stop acting as if u realli did contributed anything at all when all u did is just once and u kept on accumulating at the family's problems now.. I realli blew my top.. I confronted him.. i told him all these.. i told him about his fucked up attitude.. and if i am wrong in any way, correct mi !!

and all he did was just bending his head and kept quiet....

i was veri hurt, tt i cried.. dearie called mi.. he was also veri pissed off.. he wanted to fetch mi to his hse to stay there for the time being.. i know he cares for mi.. i could realli feel his love overwhelming.. i could realli feel the heart ache he feels for mi.. he just gives mi the undesribable feeling again.. its always good to hear when someone would stand up for u.. protect u against all harms.. and make sure all things go well for u..

yup, he's the someone...

so much as i wanted to leave this life i am having now, but i cant.. no matter how hurt i felt.. there's just the love i have for my family tt i cant forsake.. i know no matter how tired i am, i just cant give up, not bcos i dont wan to, its bcos the situation doesnt allow mi to do so.. I know i am the reason why he stil holds on to e family.. i know i am the key to unlocking the heart knot present.. and well, i am just so trapped in the middle.. i feel suffocating.. haiz..

"He says i am his life, tts why he wont let anyone hurt or bully mi.. and he will be by my side no matter wat happen.."

A lot ppl told mi such similar phase, i know they care for mi.. i am grateful to have such frens.. but all of us do agree tt there is onli some extent frens can help out..
Well, a smile was brought onto my face when he told mi tt.. i know he means every word he says.. every word he says touched my heart..

My heart is crying..... tears of happiness...

I am in a sour and foul mood today. Its realli so so so down. Cant explain how am i feeling. and i know the only person to help is myself....

I dont feel like seeing anyone.. I dont feel like interacting wif anyone.. I dont feel like doing anything.. I just feel like locking myself in my room and slp away all my troubles.. Its not a wise thing to do.. Its called escaping from reality.. but if ur problems are piling up and u dont seems to have the time or be able to solve it.. I guess u will realli react the same way as i do.......

Siannnnzzzzzzzzzzzzz

yeay.. i cleared things up with my dearie.. No doubt, I think we really drove each other real mad. lolx. cos its like when i talked to him nicely, the response wasnt good; n when he talked to mi nicely, i started to show some attitude cos i am pissed off. Lolx. But all ends well.. I m so glad. yup! I cried abit cos well, totally having the lost feeling, was thinking how the hell am i gonna start off the conversation. That silly boy tot i was gonna end everything, in fact, its the opposite, I was too afraid to lose him. Pigster ! Hee..

Ya.. He gave mi assurances right when i needed it alot. I know i got to be there for him, but mayb i dont have the full confidence tt he wont leave mi, so I am unsure about the whole thing. If I dont have the full confidence that i will win the gamble, I rather not try, cos I just cant affort to lose....But now, I know he will stay with me, just like i will stay wif him as well. =)

Saturday
In the end, I did not went to sentosa.. Arrrgghh shall not mention the details la hur.. keke.. waited at habour front for the rest with charlene, hongchon, ronghua and cheewee. Tog wif dearie, Cindy and Spencer, we went to Cha Ren !! Long time since all of us been to ktv.. hehe.
Went back wif Dearie cos its veri veri late lo..

Sunday
Slept till super late. Yawnz..
Did not join hc and Charlene at Sentosa. Sorrie kor n gal ! I will make it up to u guys. =)
Went to watch " Alot like Love" Its a great show ! Simply funni and yea, the story line is touching.. All couples should go catch it. Lolz.
We went Marina for steamboat ! Just cos i used to mention i love eating steamboat and would like to go there, so my Dearie brought mi there. Heez.. Yummi Yummi !! Hee.. Went for some arcade playing before going home. Haha... that zhu so funni.. {^o^}

Monday
Met up wif Dearie after his work. Accompanied him to Jp to get his Taekwando(i dont know how to spell, haha) clothes. Before I reached Jp, I was thinking "Yeay ! I will get to eat Long John Silver cos he knows i craving for it.." but i was thinking again, and i suddenly tot that my Dearie would wanna go eat pizza. Yes, I was so right.. Haha.. He had the dont know wat "Beep" test today. Lazy to explain but its interesting.hehe.
Half way thru, we suddenly tot of watching Initial D, since we can join Wee n Co. on Tues for the show.
Nice show. Veri Funni ! Totalli crack mi up ! n woahh.. the way the cars drift was damn smooth and beautiful.. Thumbs up ! Kinda think that Jie Lun's crying veri funni instead of sad ! Muahaha..
After the movie, Dear's leg suddenly veri pain see him move down the stairs veri difficult. Omg ! dont know wat to do sia. haha. So i wanted to send him home. n both of us was like "arguing" to do so or not to. Pengz. But yea, i tricked him into letting mi send him home. After which i went home n Zzzzzz. Veri tired !

Tuesday
went for the SurfBay shop Temp job cos helping my fren. It took a whole 2 hours to get there. N the manager is damn fucked up. Fancy u being a manager and yet so disorganised. Unbelievable. n the area for the clothes was so messy. While at least i made a new fren, Apple. lolx. She's sweet. She was surprised that i am 20, she said i looked much younger than that. Haha. Both of us had a hard time clearing up the clothes.
After which, i had to stand outside like a gong head serving the custormers while she had to tidy up the super messy store room. There wasnt even a single customer. And, there wasnt even a proper counter so its like i had to stand there all day long looking like an idiot. No way man, so i gave Randy - the manager a call and told him tts no way i am working for tml anymore unless he re-schedule the location for mi. Yup, n i went off early.
Hee. I bluffed Dearie saying i am bored at work asking him to keep mi company wif sms. Yea, n found out he's at home. So decided to pop by n give him a surprise. lolx. Wanted to get sth for him, but i wanna reach his place asap so gave it a miss. Took a cab down and that ben dan was stil msg-ing wif mi. Muahaha. Called him n told him I was just at his void deck. He's shocked. Haha.. hohoho..
okok. went for dinner.. was so hungry ! and watched tv at his place before going home. so I am gonna slp like pig now !! Hee.. zzzzzz =)

I just came back from holland v, n damn it ! I feel very down right now at this moment of time. Some brief update before i start venting my emotions on the blog.
Met up with Puwen at my area, and together we took a bus down to holland v. Updated each other. Yup.. Had dinner at Blk 40 with ronghua, cheewee, Weiling, Spencer, Hanz, Auntie, Keon and the other two i dont know wats their name. Lucas came to join us half way, and after dinner, its down to wooden table for some drinking session.

Never did i knew, the things we talked about today was so.... i dont know. They did contribute to some of my negative tots. Anyway, the main point today was to speak to ronghua. I think i made my point across, but well, nothing changes. Hiak. They mentioned tt I have changed, that I am no longer the cute and innocent young girl that i used to be. Right, and I finally know that cute innocent girls attract guys, cos right now, I do have my own stand and I fight for it; last time, I would term myself as weak mayb? No matter how unhappy I am, I would dare not voice out, I would just listen. But now, I am different, I just feel that sometimes girls need to protect themselves and at the age of 20, if u are still having the sweet innocent tots, its dangerous.

Anyway I am upset. Its just being concern asking a simple "Are u Ok?", but why do i get a frustrated tone back?
Thats just a small thing that adds on to something even bigger. I spoke to charlene about how i feel this afternoon and at that time I stil couldnt figure out why I am unsure. But after the drinking session, things became clearer to mi. I know why I am being unsure now. I really do. Maybe things are not as simple as I want it to be, haiz... Whatever, I'm gonna sort things out soon. Really hate this feeling....

I have lots of emotions running through mi now. Recently, it seems that frens of mine are facing relationship problems. I was shocked when the gal broke the news to mi. I knew they were already facing problem, but never did i expect things to end so fast. When i called her yesterday regarding other stuffs, she suddenly blurted out to me about the whole thing. I was kinda speechless. Thought about the whole thing, and I think I am so lucky to have someone by my side, someone who loves mi, someone tt i know will always be the first one to rescue mi from any trouble, someone who will be supportive of what i do and someone that gave mi the indescribable feeling. Ya I am contented with my life and what i have now, but I still am quite affected by the people surrounding me. I know I am truly happy when my frens are happy too.
So girl, Mayb u wont see this. I know u are meeting him later, so i really do hope that you guys clear things up , be it to salvage the situation or have a better ending, Just Jia you k ! =)

Monday
Wasnt doing anything the whole day. Met up wif my dear and we went to eat prata !! Whooopii.. Afterwards, we went to west coast park.
Short meet up cos he's tired.. lol..

Tuesday
Stayed at home the whole day!! cos of my eye infection, Sickening
-faintz-

Wednesday
Hee. Went for job interview and went to find Charlene at her workplace. Her workplace is just beside Sakae !! Omg, so craving for it man, really tempted to go in on my own. But when, in the end decided not to, hee. After which, slacked my time away at delifrance before Spencer and Hanz came looking for mi. As expected, the moment we met up, we started arguing over some useless stuffs. Lolx. This time we argued about dark and light soya sauce, nearly whacked Hanz' head.

They send mi to orchard while they rush off to NUS for some business stuffs. So good ritez? Muahaha. Met up with darl, he's in office wear !! Haha. Walked around and he suddenly have a craving for Sakae too.. So coincidental !! Lolz. Yea, so both of us went to pig out at Sakae. Shopped around and we went back to his place to catch Superstar. The guys are not veri impressive though.. -_-

Went home n Zzzzzzzzz..... =p

I just finish reading an email from cheewee. I totally agree with it, n i am going to learn from it. Hee. In short, 10% of life is made up of what happens to us and 90% of life is decided by how we react. How we react to certain situation really do determine wat is the outcome of the whole thing. He really send it to me at the right time, cos i was thinking and reflecting about the previous incident. I admit i over reacted, and i am really veri sorry. I am someone who would own up and apologize if I know I am wrong. Yeay, so I am sorryie.
Ok.. I should learn about the 90/10 principle and learn from my mistakes.

Friday
Met up with Cheewee, Charlene, Hc and Lingzi at dover. Zhen cant join us due to her knee injury, poor thing. Take good care of yourself k.. Muackz. =)
Due to some time constraint, Weiling, Qiuyan, Hanz, Ronghua, Cindy, Esther and Apple got to take a cab down themselves. So the rest of us boarded the chartered bus, talked to Lz on the bus. Girl, if u think thats the best thing for u, I will support u k.. =)
All of us waited for a damn long time. Its so stuffy and hot !! its like hundreds of people cramped up in an enclosed space with no air con. -_-
And the organisation there totally sucks ! There's no specific instruction to guide us to the theatre and all of us ended walking rounds and rounds and rounds. It turns out that there was a previous show before ours and they were releasing them. Everything was in a confusion due to it. I and Lingzi was so lost cos there's a moment both of us were separated from the group, faintz.
There's this mediacorp lady who stopped those without tickets in. Apparently, there was also another personnel outside collecting the tickets, and some of them tried explaining to her. She die die also dont wanna let us in !!! I was so irritated and disgusted by the organisation. Jitao went up and gave her a piece of my mind.
Ok, the recording was alright. Wasnt that great also. I think Xiao Jing totally rocks ! Her duet with Silver was fantastic. Hehe. Took some pictures.

Me and Lingzi

Me and Weiling

And mi.. lol.. too bored..



went to holland v to drink with ronghua, cindy, zizhong, hongchon and cheewee. Met up with Lucas there. Talked talked, blah blah blah, all the way till 3 plus i think? Went back to my dear's house cos its veri late le.. zzzzzzzz Ko immediately. Tired !

Saturday
Think i slept till quite late, n tt horrible guy keep disturbing mi asking mi to wake up. He's like trying to pull me out of the bed n in the midst of it, he accidentally banged my head against the wall. I was like " Wat the hell ! Violent man ! " Pain lo. Jitao horrible.
Washed up n everything, we went to catch Batman at marnia. Its not a bad show though kinda lost in between the movie.

Photos !
thats mi...


n thats him..

US!!!!! =)


Went down to holland v to meet up wif rh & cindy. Slacked at nydc and Coffee club after going down to clementi to meet up wif zz n marcus for pool. Went home n KO !!! I am so tired...

Sunday
Practically slacked the whole day at home, due to my eyes infection. Haiz.
Was quite disappointed that my dad did not come home despite all the msg n emails i sent to him, its Father's Day u know! I know my mom starts to get upset and paranoid again. Overly paranoid again, and here i am.. trying hard to contain my outburst when she ask me the same qns over and over and over again for the whole day.
ok.. ya.. watever.. I will just try to be there for her.. yupz !

ok, So all of us had made some wrong assumptions, n I said sorry if i was wrong in my previous entry.

Maybe, Just some things to think about. Somethings or words or even the past is just way too nonsense or i would even say hell to me. So u cant blame me if i am too sensitive about what you wrote, no doubt the shadow is still there. People dont get remembered much for their good deeds, but they do really get remembered for the not-so-good ones. n yes, the phobia is still there.. When the crack is there for a long time, there is no longer any way that it can be mended.

I dont know if i sound harsh, but dont get me wrong I am just trying to make you see everything in my view. I stood in your shoes to think about the whole thing, n I know I am in the wrong, but i have my reasons for the wrong assumptions..

Yea, tts abt it. Nothing much is needed to say anymore, i guess.

I am going to watch Channel U's Superstar later. Yup ! Cant wait.

I dont know what to blog. There's alot of thoughts running across my mind now. No doubt, I am fucking pissed off. Shall elaborate why so later.

I went to look for Ky ytd and we updated each other, talk things out. We went to westmall and shop around. I bought something for him and he bought something for her. lolx. We went off to meet our other halfs later on. When i met up with Lucas, he was so so so pissed off...... with the cab uncle. lolx. Cartoon. Short meet up. He bought me cleo mag n the free n easy spray for hair without me saying anything. -faintz-

Came home, surprised to see Ky's phonecall and even more surprisingly, when i picked it up, its a girl's voice. I was thinking What the hell ! lolx. Yuan lai is his girl girl. I almost fainted man, they called me cos they arguing. Shitz ! Muahaha. I would say she's a very friendly and sweet girl.. =)

Talked to Ky after he send her home. Hiak. He nearly cried out, I am so shocked. But hey ! I sure hope u are feeling better after the chat k.. n maybe a small note to Lydia - Hope you will find the strength to settle it k. I believe you will. =)

As to why I am fucking mad now. I reckon tt person should know wat I am gonna talk about. I dont know if u are implying me, but my gut feeling tells me so. If not, Just treat the below as nothing, I'm sorry. If so, that so marks the end to watever tiny bit of friendship existed between us.

I think Ky will know wat i mean hur. Seems like some people really just pissed people off. Not only me, tt person apparently also pissed Ky's girl off too. Stop acting as if u know everything about me right from the start. If the person that can any comments, that would be Ky & Charmaine only, cos only they know the whole story right from the beginning to the end. and maybe my union frenz, but definitely not u. I dont think i need to elaborate anymore.

Just Fuck off. I dont wanna make my life miserable again. End of it !!

I realli dont understand where the hell i offended u. I chose to lead my life peacefully away from all this shit. I have put up with all ur nonsense for dont know how long. People, dont always think that you are so damn freaking right when u are actualli not. It just pissed people off !!

Same goes for jinwei.. Just get the hell out of my life now !!!! AAAARRRRGGHHH
Another highly ego guy who always think he's so right.
To think that i still tot we all could be frens, not anymore....

Its over.. Everything's over...